Love this song. Love this video. Santigold, Disparate Youth.
I was watching the movie Babel the other night when I had a pretty profound thought strike me. It was during the scene where a group of teenagers were dancing at a club in Tokyo that I started thinking about my past exploits and travels. I keep thinking that I have so much left to do before I get married and settled down and that I haven’t lived my life yet. Watching this scene in the movie put it in perspective to me in a way I never really examined before.
I realized this: I’ve done a lot of things before the age of 30 that many will never experience. I’m such a huge dreamer and consumer of life that these experiences just seemed like stepping stones to bigger, better and more exciting times. I’d like to think so, but i wonder if maybe they were the biggest and best experiences and that were meant to happen so I could settle into a different role in my 30s. Did I get to do and see these amazing things so I could happily settle into a more normal life and not feel like I missed anything? If that is the case, I am thankful that I have been blessed with them.
The crazy thing is this: now more than any other time in my life I would be happy with either of those outcomes. I still have the desire to explore and taste so many more things, but I am content with the things I have already done. I’m still a story unwritten and that’s cool by me.
I’m so sad to report that Marcel the French bulldog, has passed on. If you’re not familiar with Marcel, he was the pup of the one and only Francois Nars: photographer, makeup artist and creator of NARS cosmetics. Every holiday, NARS would put out a card with Marcel dressed in a different themed getup. In addition to being a model, Marcel had his own twitter account and was the face of NARS Pro Prime line in 2010. Not too bad for a hairy lil old guy with a funny smile 🙂
Last night I came upon the absolutely gut busting hilarious out of control make-you-cry and/or pee your pants awesomeness that is Bad Lip Reading. I had a hard time deciding which one to post because they’re all great, but I figured this one would be a good way to get you hooked. You can search for the rest on YouTube. Consider this my early Christmas gift to you.
Hot jumping beeeeeans!
And a bonus….these political ones are insane!
Oh dear. This is not a good feeling. Yesterday, out of nowhere I suddenly began to feel trapped. I got this unsettling unshakable feeling of being tied down. When I decided to take the early-out package from my job back in August, I set my mind in motion and decided that when I was finished with this job (January 2 is my exit date), I was packing all my shit in a Uhaul and leaving town. I was ready to start that new life that I had been dying for for so long. Then somewhere along the way I sort of just became complacent. Things got easy, I started forgetting that plan and feeling like maybe life at home would be okay. Maybe I really could be alright with waking up in the same groundhog-day-esque life in the same old city. I really was thinking it would be okay. But now suddenly without warning, the little rumbling below has erupted into the full-scale Mount St Helens of a need to flee. I feel like the things inside of me NEED to be unleashed somewhere else, somewhere new and by pursuing my big giant technicolor dreams. That has always been the plan.
But then where does this leave the relationship? I am so conflicted right now. I am hoping this will pass, but that’s a futile hope. This has always been in me. This was the dream from the start. It seems like a cruel setup where I am forced to choose between the dream that’s been woven into my heart all my life or the future of something beautiful that I may never find again. Could I even choose? Will I have to? Is it a coincidence that it is exactly one month til I am finished? Maybe my brain is just going into overdrive out of uncertainty of the future.
Damn. Please just tell me this unsettled feeling was that spicy food I ate yesterday.
I’ve got a really great explanation for why I’ve been absent for so long. I was out gettin booed up for the first time in almost a decade. Yeah. Ain’t that something?
I wanted to write about it while it was all going on but he has the address to this blog. I think by now he has forgotten it so we should be safe. ha!
It’s pretty strange territory for me, being treated right and all, but it’s what I have deserved all along and ultimately what I knew I’d end up with. I still sometimes have to check myself when I say the word “boyfriend.” it just sounds weird to me. I mean…. I’m someone’s girlfriend. How freaking weird is that? I’ve been the lone ranger for so long I just became incredibly efficient at being a singular little unit. Being someone’s other half is a hell of an adjustment, but it’s one worth making. He deserves it. I couldn’t pass this up. I’d have been a fool to let him go…. Not that he was going to let me anyway though!
The other morning before I was getting ready to fly back to work for a long stretch of days, I found these little notes he left me in my apartment. I mean, could you not just die, cry, barf and say “awwww” all at the same time? I guess being a GF ain’t so bad after all.
i dont really understand myself sometimes. i am so acutely aware of some things and other things? theyre right in front of my face yet i don’t notice them.
part of my job that annoys me is the grandiose scale of peoples’ lack of situational awareness. people get in an airport and suddenly time just stops. they fall into a black hole of manners, personal space, logic and anything else that makes a human generally tolerable.
i’ve been worrying myself lately because i feel like i’m slipping on that scary slope. i do things like go an entire day with my bra on INSIDE OUT. this is one of those full scale lacy, padded underwire jobbies. what the hell? i did that today.
(how can i sit and recount exact details of a couple years of a painful relationship… at the same time my drawls are on the wrong way?!?!)
i also tend to forget peoples’ faces and conversations quickly after an encounter if it wasnt something that was truly impactful or had to do with a dude tryin to holler (sorry, it’s shallow but my biological clock is strangling my brain).
i find that many small details which i used to pick up on have slipped past my consciousness and off into that black hole i was talking about.
i feel bad and unthoughtful. i feel kind of spacey and rude. but then…. this evening i began to think about the millions of little details that i am actually faced with every day and the hundreds of faces i see and conversations i have. i realized i might not be a total spaztastic bozo but rather i have a highly developed consciousness. i am inundated with scenes, words, faces, scents, sounds, ideas and whatever else a mind can perceive and maybe that brilliant little nugget in my head has learned how to figure out what’s important and pare down what i need to ingest.
it’s that split-second prioritizing that my lifestyle demands.
now i dont feel so bad.
but i’m telling you, if i start wearing more clothing backward or inside out, please have me committed.
I noticed in a current magazine ad that Eva Mendes had replaced Naomi Watts as Thierry Mugler’s “Angel.” I then hunted up this gorgeous video spot with Ms. Mendes singing! I want a ticket aboard whatever train that is. The presentation is glamorous, whimsical and glittering, in true Mugler style. I want to live in his fabulous world. (you all know how badly i wanted that bodysuit with the bow on the booty that he designed for Beyonce’s 2009 tour… I think I mentioned going grocery shopping in it.) Ayyye and that trench. I need that as well, not sure if its his design or not, but i’d imagine so. it fits the palette from his S/S 2012 show.
The behind-the-scenes clip below reminds me why I could never act. I couldn’t look all orgasmic at an LED star in my hand while 10 production dudes stood a few feet away. I mean, I would feel beyond corny writhing in a chair in order to produce that beautiful (edited) outcome. I suppose that is why she is in the commercial and I am not. That and a lot of other things.
ayyye. these balenciaga boots.
flashback: this ad was ENORMOUS on the wall outside security at Charles de Gaulle. here i was alone in the huge sterile airport in the most romantic city on earth. the moment was all very Parisian and chic and poetic. i couldnt stop staring at it. maybe i was a little buzzed from just leaving le Baron. maybe i just really love raquel zimmermann. maybe both.